MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA, November 4, 2017
Six months have passed since the New Confederate Army, a ragtag group of guerrilla fighters, descended upon Montgomery, Alabama, and with the support of the Alabama state legislature, declared themselves independent of the United States. Within the last three months, sensing the weakness of the federal government since January’s default, nearly all of the former Confederate States, or portions of those states, have rallied to the NCA’s banner. This process accelerated following the announcement of a majority of the Joint Chiefs of Staff that they would not follow orders from United States President Michelle Obama because of what they described as “continuing flagrant constitutional abuses,” plunging the national government into a historical crisis of legitimacy.
Shortly after consolidating power, the organizers of the New Confederate Army declared themselves a new nation, simply called “The Southern States.” Eager for international recognition from superpowers Russia and China, they proceeded to hold elections, electing country and western singer Hank Williams, Jr., one month ago to the office of Provisional President, once held by Mississippian Jefferson Davis. Ding Lee, an election observer from China, which has legally observed and supervised United States elections for the past two cycles as part of the Debt Treaty of 2014, commented on the integrity of the elections, which have been criticized as racially discriminatory by parts of the American press. According to Lee, “The process was very orderly. Voters come in, they showed ID, which was immediately compared to the central elections database of eligible voters. I do not understand what could be considered racist about such a system.”
A political neophyte, Williams and his administration were at first consumed with the chaos of a new nation and new office, but in the last week have announced an agenda for the soon-to-be-called Constitutional Convention of the Southern States. Williams, in typical style, presented his ideas in the southern rhetorical form in a speech on the steps of the Alabama State Capitol, prompting administration officials to immediately meet with the press to clarify the meaning of each of Williams’s proposals. The following is the result of a dialogue with Williams’s Chief of Staff, Hunter Wallace, who provides more details on the policy implications of each of Williams’s proposals.
1. In his speech, Williams bizarrely calls, as his first proposal, a national holiday commemorating the deaths of Elvis Presley, Ronny Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Patsy Cline. Mr. Wallace clarifies:
“First, President Williams speaks from the heart and represents the will of the Southern people, but know that all of these proposals will be executed by a predictable process respecting the rule of law. Part of President Williams’ agenda is the preservation of uniquely southern culture from American pop culture, which has diluted our organic culture over the past fifty years. With this proposal, President Williams wants to enshrine, as a national holiday, a respect for the native music of the South, and what better way to do that than to honor our most beloved recording artists of the pre-BRA era?”
Readers should know that “BRA” refers to “Black Ruled America,” an acronym widely used in the post-Tea-Party independence movement to denote what they perceive as unfair policies towards white Americans.
2. Williams’s second proposal gets down to brass tacks as he addressed the most salient concern of his supporters: the perceived abuse of the federal courts. Williams says he will “make his Supreme Court down in Texas,” recalling the racial wounds of the OJ Simpson trial as he declared that murderers would “swing quickly, instead of writing books and smiling on TV.”
“This proposal covers a lot of ground policy-wise, so let’s start at the beginning. First of all, one of the problems of the old BRA was the culture of corruption that grew up around the federal courts in Washington, D.C. We believe a good prophylactic for this is to remove the supreme judicial branch away from the seat of power. This is why the Supreme Court of the Southern States will be located in rural East Texas.
“It’s kind of a quiet secret, but the former Eastern District of Texas had, in the final years of BRA, served a useful role as a jurisdiction both conservative on social issues and hostile to crony capitalists. While the national business press called this district a ‘judicial hell-hole’ for its lack of respect for their privilege, the reality is that paleoconservative East Texans served as a bulwark against corporate abuses with their notoriously punitive damage awards. The creative southern trial lawyers prosecuting civil cases served as a sort of Robin Hood to correct many of the crony capitalist wrongs that enriched the 1% at the expense of the productive white middle class. So we think the culture of this area is ideal for the sort of jurisprudence we desire in the new nation.
“Our Supreme Court justices will not have appointments for life, and will earn salaries putting them at a mere upper middle class position in rural East Texas, and must reside, after election, within fifty miles of the court. One justice will be elected from each state for a term of four years, with two additional terms for re-election before being limited out. The final term will be for two years only, for a total of ten years, to limit the many abuses associated with lame duck politicians who do not have to face voters again. This, and fairly low recall thresholds, will serve to keep the judiciary on a leash tightly held by the people.
“Secondary to this, and mentioned briefly by President Williams, is our intent to re-establish capital punishment, and to have such take place within twenty-four hours of conviction in situations where DNA evidence provides incontrovertible proof of guilt. Since liberals object to the cruelty of lethal injection, we will be re-instituting public hanging as our preferred method of execution. There are a number of advantages to this, in that hanging is actually very humane and inexpensive, causing little pain when done correctly, yet it provides a dramatic visual to restrain the evil of criminals.”
3. In his third policy proposal, Williams returns to the theme of southern culture with his proposal that “We’ll all learn Cajun cooking down in Louisiana.”
“As part of our commitment to preserve the southern culture, President Williams will require television broadcasters and cable operators to dedicate a certain portion of prime time viewing to the traditional food ways of the South. This could be as simple as running old Justin Wilson segments, or perhaps a new series with Paula Deen. As the most cultured of the southern food ways, Louisiana cuisine will enjoy a prominent role in the cultural restoration efforts of the Williams administration.”
4. In his fourth policy proposal, Williams calls for the Southern States to “put that capital back in Alabama.”
“This is fairly self-explanatory. We support the provisional capital of Montgomery remaining as the permanent capital of the Southern States. Alabama led the way to our new independence, so it is appropriate historically, and it is also important that the capital be located in an area that is deeply Southern, so as to not be influenced at the periphery by outside cultural forces. It delights us that many Beltway lobbyists find the idea of living in Alabama distasteful.”
5. Williams’s fifth proposal was for a new drug war to “take Miami back” and “put all those pushers in the slammer.”
“The cultural drift of Florida away from its southern roots is most problematic because of its strategic importance to any southern nation. Their vote for secession one month ago was very close and could have gone the other way had Election Day not occurred on Yom Kippur. While President Williams believes the drug war to be ultimately unwinnable, and supports a long-term plan to legalize and heavily regulate certain illegal drugs, and while he favors leniency for users not involved in distribution, we believe the administration should use the existing drug laws as a window of opportunity to aggressively shut down criminal networks and jail those responsible. Simply defining something as not a crime does not reform hardened criminals. After all, it’s not like these guys are going to find legitimate ways to earn enough money to afford Escalades if we legalize. They will simply turn to prostitution or some other vice. If we take care of jailing the criminal element now, crime will decrease significantly.
“We are also dedicated to a more humane correctional system. We believe the self-supporting prison at the old Angola Plantation in Louisiana is a model for the entire South, where prisoners enjoy an agrarian life of fresh air, work and sunshine, and a solid diet of grass-fed beef and sweet potatoes of their own production, instead of sitting in cells all day eating institutional food and watching television. We will allow private property owners to run their own little Angolas, paying the state a fee for use of prisoners instead of the drain they are now on state funds. This will go a long way to replacing agricultural labor that will be impacted by our immigration policies, and allow us to keep the criminal element under control, rather than releasing them when prison budgets are tight. Our understanding of history tells us that such a system is the only way to turn otherwise non-productive and destructive members of society into contributing assets.”
6. Williams next continued his cultural proposals, calling for all domestic whiskey to be made in Tennessee, all horses to be raised in Kentucky, and all fiddles to be made in Virginia; he further commented on the quality of Arkansas wine.
“President Williams supports international trademark protection for the cultural products of the South. Just as anything calling itself champagne must originate from certain regions in France, Tennessee whiskey, Kentucky equines, and other southern cultural products must be protected under international law, and President Williams plans to join the various treaties enforcing these rights. We believe the southern cultural treasures are worthy of preserving, and are prime opportunities for creating new export markets, creating jobs for our citizens.”
7. Williams next called for the “national treasury [to be located in] in Tupelo, Mississippi,” and for “Hank Williams’ picture” to be on $100 bills.
“As part of our early negotiations with Mississippi to join with Alabama, and consistent with our belief in the necessity of providing geographic dispersion among the various branches of government, to avoid creating our own District-of-Columbia-like political cesspool, the national treasury and mint will be located in Tupelo. Since all currency will be gold-backed or petroleum-backed, there will be little opportunity for mischief, while honoring Mississippi for her early rallying to the cause of independence.
“Regarding those honored by our currency, we believe that Southern cultural icons, like President Williams’ own father, are more worthy of honor than mere politicians. Our hope is to keep the egos of the politicians in check, and by constitutionally prohibiting their images on currency, we remove some of the motivation for betraying principles to achieve historical ‘greatness.'”
8. Williams’s next proposal outlined his industrial policy, where he called for all cars to be “made in the Carolinas, and I’d ban all the ones made in China.” Williams’s statement is hard to parse, in that there are currently no Chinese-manufactured cars marketed in the United States.
“If we learned one lesson from the previous war for independence in the 1860s, it’s that wealth and free trade are no guarantee of liberty. The North, while poorer than the South in total capital, had superior naval and manufacturing capabilities, enabling it to choke off the agrarian economy of the South. President Williams is committed to a trade policy that maintains certain key industries, such as automobile production, for national security purposes. Luckily, the South has somewhat of a specialization in automobile manufacturing due to the greediness of Northern unions over the past fifty years. The Williams administration will not ban cars from other countries, despite President Williams’ rhetorical flourish, and certainly not China, which, in the southern poetic vernacular, can refer to the entire region of Asia, but we reserve the right to tax if there is a national security concern. The underlying anxiety President Williams addressed, as the voice of the people, is the behavior of elites in the former United States, who hollowed out the industrial base of the country to simply enrich themselves and deplete the middle class, with no thought to national security or economic impacts.
“In the South, we understand that property rights come from the barrel of a gun, and if you can’t manufacture the guns, you lose your property. We are willing to give up on some of the wealth gains associated with free trade in order to secure our liberty for the long-term. However, these protected industries will be defined constitutionally, very limited in scope and not subject to the whims of lobbyists seeking corporate welfare. In fact, one of our proposals is to make it illegal for former officeholders to lobby on behalf of third parties.”
9. Williams then referenced his most ambitious cultural initiatives when he called for “every girl child [to be] sent to Georgia to learn to smile, and talk with that southern accent that drives me wild.”
“As a new nation, the Southern States plans to adopt a national service policy similar to those in Switzerland and Israel. Young men will receive one year of military training and service in exchange for free college tuition or vocational training, and become a permanent part of the national militia. We will require every able-bodied male from 25 to 55 to maintain a semi-automatic rifle and report for training one weekend per year.
“Many have asked what our plans are for our young women, since we will not be utilizing that aspect of the Israeli model by having a co-ed military. Though popular support is split on the idea of women in the military, the government plans to use some political capital here, in that we also recognize the destructive force of feminism to a degree that may be a bit beyond the average voter. To repair the post-feminist culture, we believe national service for our young women should take the form of the old southern finishing schools, with centers based out of historic districts in grand old southern towns like you might see in parts of Georgia or Natchez, Mississippi. Here, our young women will learn about the feminine aspects of southern culture and the true source of feminine power in any society, which lies in the domestic and motherly arts, rather than competing in the domain of men. Homeschooled young women may easily opt out of this policy, as it is unnecessary in many of those cases.
“We plan to have a generous policy of conscientious objection in regards to national service, but the government will use every incentive possible, including free higher education, to inculcate complementarian gender roles in our young people. This also includes reform of our divorce laws, notably eliminating no-fault divorce and the current regime of agnosticism regarding parental behavior in the marriage and child custody after the marriage. All other things being equal, in a divorce situation, we want the non-frivolously-divorcing, non-adulterous parent, whether father or mother, to enjoy custody of the children. The traitor to the family can pay child support and/or alimony as appropriate, but we will no longer unilaterally favor mothers without regard to marital behavior. Healthy families have to be backed up by healthy incentives.”
10. Finally, in a related speech at a private dinner later in the day, Williams is reported to have said that the Southern States have ambitions for expansion, adding that culturally, the red, rural counties of the former United States have a lot in common: “Our people are not only in the South but in the West Virginia coal mines, the Rocky Mountains, and we all love those Western skies. We say grace and we say ‘ma’am,’ and if you ain’t into that, we don’t give a damn how you live your life, just don’t tell us how to live ours. Whether it’s north California or south Alabam’, and other small towns all around this land, all freedom-loving people deserve liberty.”
“The Southern States are definitely open to expansion. Our new Constitution will restrain government like no other before in the world. Those who can leave the old regime and join us, and who have a compatible cultural and voting history, are welcome. We will also build no walls around our new nation. We are actively encouraging Obama voters in our regions to relocate themselves to places like Vermont and Oregon, where they will be welcomed by their progressive friends. The government plans to charter a 737 that will operate continuously from the Mississippi Valley and other strong Obama-supporting areas, providing free flights to the progressive locations of their choice. We believe Vermont in particular will enjoy a new vibrancy by embracing the diversity of our emigrants. They might even close the gap, and God bless ’em for trying.”
Other proposals floated by the administration include stripping citizenship from all adherents to Islam, a religion Wallace described as “fundamentally incompatible with liberty as we understand it,” and a proposed 10% flat tax, constitutionally limited and unamendable. Williams has stated his belief previously that “the government ain’t got no business taking more than the good Lord.”
Reaction across the South to Williams’s proposals has been mostly positive, with notable splits among conservative and libertarian camps. While some scholars at the Ludwig Von Mises Institute in Auburn, Alabama, are supporting the new government, leader Lew Rockwell has dismissed the new regime as “just another bunch of Dubya-loving, knuckle-dragging ignorant Red State fascists,” and plans to relocate to California, adding, “I’ll take an 80% marginal rate any day in a land where I have the freedom to not have my media censored by ignorant evangelical prudes, where I can smoke marijuana, and where people aren’t rounded up and put on plantations for minor criminal offenses.” Ron Paul likewise has condemned the new government for trading in “false liberty” and for supporting “thinly-veiled racist policies.” Wallace responds:
“The is the same Ron Paul who doesn’t care if Muslims impose Sharia law in their own communities, but then gets upset when the people of our new country put in reasonable limitations on the very cultural forces that have eroded their liberty over the past 150 years. Hardcore libertarianism is like AIDS: it destroys the cultural immune system.”
Paul’s office has stated that the former Rep. Paul plans to remain in the Southern States, and perhaps re-involve himself in politics, running for one of the newly-opened Southern States Senate seats in Texas. While many supporters of President Williams are fond of Rep. Paul for his role in predicting and warning against the collapse of the United States, it is expected that Paul and other like-minded libertarians will comprise the “left wing” of the new southern political spectrum. Wallace adds, “I do have incredible respect for Rep. Paul, and thank God we have the kind of government where Ron Paul is considered a liberal.”
The Southern States’ constitutional convention is slated to begin early in 2018.