Raising the Bar of Expectation for Our Children

February 5, 2011 Child Raising, Family, Family Issues Print Page

There is a myth that I often hear whenever I have conversations with others about children. Actually, there are a few myths. One is about “the terrible twos,” in which parents assume that children will automatically be horrible at toddler age. They don’t realize that it is a lie; their children are terrible not because of an age they’ve reached, but from lack of training.

Yet another myth comes out when I will talk to both strangers and friends alike; they will all repeat the common mantras. “Oh, just wait until they get older. They’ll be partying and getting girls pregnant, and they won’t listen to you,” “Wait until your daughter starts dating. You’re going to have to keep a real eye on her,” and other such nonsense spews out of their mouths. They are making assumptions based on what is the norm in general society. They think that if they “did all the right things” (in their own opinion) and their children turned out such a way, then of course nobody else could have children who grow up otherwise for the better. From guilt or lack of humility to admit failure, many think that because their children turned out unsatisfactory and did certain things, then automatically that means yours will too. Obviously they could not have failed at parenting, right? They let you know without hesitation that they “did the best they could.”

These same people will ask me things like, “What if your children grow up and want to go in another direction? What if they don’t want to live and be like you?” This is almost equivalent to my asking them, “What if your child wants to grow up and be a murderer, or a prostitute?” Should it not resonate in their minds that they can be confident their children won’t grow up to become prostitutes and killers because they raised them with some standard of decency and morality? I will argue that your children will turn out to be as good as your expectation level. And boy, does the Church need to raise the bar on its expectations for their children–big time.

Some parents have higher expectations than simply making sure their child doesn’t murder anyone. Some parents desire to have “good children”: children who don’t get in trouble at school and who don’t get into drugs and gangs. Other parents raise the bar a little more; they expect their children to not have sex until they are married. While this is a noble goal, the bar is still too low if that is your ultimate mark of achievement. So other Christians see this error and say they simply want to have “good Christian children” who love Jesus, go to church and read their Bible every day; and another group may want all of this, plus have their children be responsible and profitable citizens. I will contend that even in this instance, the bar is still being set much too low.

Your children can accomplish much more than you realize–almost anything you desire for them–as long as you put in the time and effort. Every day there are fathers who are dedicated to their children becoming great at sports. And great at sports they become, or at the least, very good. You can expect the same of your children in other life goal areas to a certain degree if you work for it.

Once upon a time in America our children were scholars, learning Latin and Greek at young ages. Although I am dead-set against public schools, it should be noted and understood that the average child with an 8th grade education 100 years ago was better educated than many college graduates today. Check out this 1954 8th grade exam from only 56 years ago. I am not sure if I know a college graduate who can answer most of the questions posted on that exam. In addition to this, such an 8th grader 100 years ago was certainly better and more prepared for real life and for being a responsible adult. One only has to look at today’s Amish to get a small glimpse of what your children could become, responsibility-wise.

But enough picking on lukewarm, half-hearted, “worldly” Christians from the typical American Church. How are our children turning out? Indeed Jesus warned us that “unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required” (Luke 12:48). How are we doing? Those of us who are illuminated to more truth than the majority, those of us who are almost the only hope of reversing the tide in America? As mentioned in a previous article, our goal needs to be a vision of multiple generations of godly heritage, not just our children. Do our children display the character of Christ, passionately love God’s law, and by application of scripture, engage in a lifestyle that glorifies God on the earth? If your children are young, are you preparing them toward this end? Or are you throwing them up into the wind, hoping that God will blow them in the right direction? Too many Christians have become fatalists, tempting the Lord their God by lazy parenting, and expecting God to cover up for their failures and lack of diligence. This ought not to be. We need to prepare our children for higher goals. We must establish a vision for them for the future.

We are hurting their character when we don’t push them to do more; we are breeding laziness into them. Even if one of our goals is raising a child of superb character, this is very important to devote oneself to. The character of the individual has a lot to do with what they will decide to do in life (they will learn to take on a challenge instead of taking the easy way by default). Their mind is programmed from youth, based on habit. Even if they have good intentions and even if they are doing “good things,” they could instead be doing much better things if they had been trained with the proper worldview and given better habits early on.

We are destroying their future potential when we don’t have our children do more. They will grow up being accustomed to not doing very much at all and always being satisfied with doing less. We need to teach them to be hungry for more. This goes along with the idea of dominion, and of gaining more liberty for ourselves in this nation; such as reversing bad homeschooling laws, instead of being satisfied that it is not “really bad.”

Caution: You do not need to shoot for goals too far over your head. Just raise the bar. Just like in weight lifting, you do a little bit at a time (weight increases) or you will hurt yourself; likewise with this situation, do a little bit at a time. Raise the bar for your children. Then your children will raise the bar a bit higher for their children. This is the way it is supposed to work, building upon the previous generation’s work.

Set yourself some goals and work at them. For example, we are working on becoming more independent. Being that I lack most of the necessary skills, I know that I’ll probably never reach having a full family farm, completely independent. But that is the high standard and goal I have set for my family. A little bit at a time, I reach for higher levels of achievement.

Health-wise, we started making all food from scratch, then we eventually moved on to a more natural diet, eliminating white flour, white sugar, etc. Now we are grinding our own wheat and buying even more organic things. We started our own garden, and eventually we hope to have our own chickens and goats. That is a start. If we can handle that, then maybe we’ll go a bit further. We know for sure we won’t try having cows and slaughtering our own meat. That is where we’d like to be, but it’s not a realistic goal at this stage of life.

Do not be discouraged if you cannot do everything at once. Start heading in that direction. Things will get easier throughout the years. You cannot do nothing just because your goals are not easily or immediately attainable. Don’t quit because you can’t get there right away. Don’t quit because your children will not be exactly what you’d like them to be. It may take a few generations to get there. We can’t fall into the trap of our “I want it now” culture. Previous generations long understood that some things take a lot of patience, and that they might not even see their goals reached in their lifetime.

Remember that God renamed Abram to be “father of a multitude” (Abraham) even though that multitude was not received until a few generations past him. God may also raise up a multitude of dominion-oriented Christians through your seed. You, like Abraham, just have to believe God through obedience. We need to have faith in God and raise the bar; it is incumbent to have higher goals and higher expectations for your children. We cannot afford to remain stagnant; we must press on if we are going to see our heritage preserved–before it is too late.

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About Matthew Cart

Matthew Cart is a father of 6 children ages 8 and under. He was born and raised in Ohio where he currently resides with his wife and children. His interests include spending time with his family, sports, homesteading, survivalism, natural living, and issues of freedom and independence. He has a strong passion for large, homeschooled, Christian families who will change the direction of their States and Nation through their godly heritage. Matthew is a first generation Christian whose main goal is to begin his own legacy through the Cart family bloodline, returning it to it's European Christian roots.

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  • Crosslet

    Mr. Cart,

    I very much appreciate your positions regarding parental responsibility and the amazing potential of our children. I do, however, want to caution Faith and Heritage readers from abandoning the public school system. The notion that we should vacate public schools seems to be woven throughout many articles. It is important to note that the vast majority of Christians are educated in public schools, and that many do not have the resources or even the desire to look elsewhere.

    Furthermore, I would suggest that having an influencial presence in public schools can do much to positively impact our society. As a public school teacher, and a Christian parent, I believe that we have a responsibility to share our beliefs with others. I recognize that public schools and universities often promote secularism and multiculturalism. This is precisely why I choose to be in such an environment. My purpose in life is not to disengage from the world, or to wall my family into a protected setting of conservative Christians. I want my family to be confident and effective in challenging the paradigms of others. We are happy to question commonly held beliefs, and take pleasure in providing on-site support for our brethren. I do not believe that we would have as much impact were we in a less populated setting.

    Lastly, I do not worry about my public school children lacking education, or being misled by others. Their “whole child” development is supplemented and supported in a great number of ways. They too feel a great responsibility to affect change for our people. I am not the only teacher who is actively sharing our faith and heritage in public schools, and my children are not the only children giving voice to their beliefs. It is my hope that these comments will encourage parents and students to serve God’s will, no matter their setting.

    Respectfully,

    CC

  • Matthew Cart

    Thank for commenting on the article CC. I appreciate your feedback and your encouragement.

    I think I can speak for most of the Faith and Heritage Staff concerning why there is a notion that we need to vacate public schools in our articles; I definitely presuppose when I write, that public schools are a bad idea. I don’t believe Christians should be involved and/or try to improve public schools anymore than I think we should be involved in the porn industry or whore houses, trying to improve them.

    Just as the porn industry and whore houses, the public school system is a failed system that should not exist. It should have never been created. Indeed, one of my biggest disappointments in the beliefs of our forfathers in this nation, is that they set the stage for what we see today; gathering all children into one place to all learn the same thing. It is a bad idea even if there are good intentions and you plan to teach good things. Our fathers, in their desire to make sure all children learned the Bible and had Christian education, desired mandatory schooling, stripping responsibility from the parents and placing it into the hands of others; now taken over by the State as a tool of destruction.

    You may indeed have some positive impact in the public school system; no doubt. But the overall results are still the same; children who are under educated, have a humanististic and anti-Christian worldview, and who will not reach their full potential. The best case scenario for public schooled children is not something I desire as a worst case scenario when I home school my children.

    Positive impact in a public school from Christians would be like having a positive impact on the porn industry; maybe you can impact a filming company so that they only film porn involving married couples? That would be a step in a positive direction, but nevertheless, the industry should not exist.

    Seeing that public schools are a breeding ground of humanism and anti-Christian worldview, it is foolish to send our children into such a hostile enviroment. It would be equivalent to taking a young plant and exposing it to the harsh winter conditions before it is ready. The plant would not surive. It would be much wiser to shelter the plant in a green house until it is strong and ready.

    As a parent, I have seen the fruit of the public school system. I’ve even seen the fruit of the “Christian” school system. My expectations are much higher for my children, as mentioned in my article. My children will be homeschooled because it is impossible for them to achieve the goals I have set for them in a public school or even a Christian school enviroment. The fruit speaks for itself in my opinion. Check out the work of a young home schooled family who are impacting the film industry:

    http://www.heumoore.com/

    This is the kind of impact I want my children to have on the world. The bar of expectation I have set is very high. I might not reach it completely but they will reach a much higher ground than any public school or Christian school child.

    You might also check out Voddie Baucham’s series on DVD “The Children of Caesar”

    http://bluebehemoth.com/album/52740/

    http://www.americanvision.com/products/The-Children-of-Caesar-(DVD).html

    “But everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.” — Luke 6:40

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq_tcyPV7Vg

  • Crosslet

    Mr. Cart,

    I sincerely appreciate your reply. I have a few questions/comments for your consideration. (Of course, any reader is welcome to respond.)

    Comment(s)

    1.) I wholly agree that the responsibility for a child’s education lies with his/her parents. Some parents are equipped to conquer this task on their own, while others seek out resources to strengthen their childs education. I, for example, spend a lot of time reading with my children but I am not a strong musician. In an effort to offer them the greatest opportunity for growth, I arranged for my children to take percussion and piano lessons with an accomplished teacher/performer.

    At first, they were taught the the same basic skills as every other musician. After mastering the essentials, they were better prepared to explore their individual interests. The same process is possible in public schools, as evidenced by the fact that no two graduates are the same. While my children’s views regarding faith, family, and education are ultimately guided by me, they also benefit from the strengths and passions of people outside of our home.

    2.) I realize that the public school system is FAR from perfect. To begin with, our overextended system is funded by a government that cannot afford it. Most school systems are fiscally irresponsible, and offer some questionable curricular/social elements. Still, there are some amazing public school teachers, some highly driven students, and some incredible opportunities to stretch one’s thinking. As with most environments, there are positive and negative aspects. Ultimately, I believe that an awareness of the negative strengthens one’s passion to support the positive.

    I believe that the “fruits” of public school, should not be painted with a broad stroke. Sadly, I was an unmotivated public school student, who was not especially supported at home. Yet, here I sit with a loving family, a stable career, a network of friends, and a few advanced degrees. I do not believe that public schools set a glass ceiling on the development of children.

    Schools, on average, provide 6.5 hours of information/perspective each day. Students should be taught to make connections between the information that they encounter, and their knowledge of faith, history, art, music, experience, etc. They should also be taught strategies for filtering new information (see below).

    Parents have the opportunity and responsibility to help their children analyze what they have heard, and to correct/reinforce ideas as they see fit. My children range in age from five to seventeen years. Each child believes that he/she is special, and that each of us has a responsibility to share our views with others. I trust that they will consider new information in the same manner as I do. They will filter information through scripture, and through the advice of their parents. While it may seem dangerous to expose my kids to the secular world, I do not consider them alone in their experiences. They occasionally observe people making poor decisions, and we process their experiences as a family. I believe that questioning and discussion are great strategies for developing a child’s decision making skills.

    Question(s)

    1.) At what point do you consider your plants (kids) strong enough to face the elements on their own?

    2.) If one’s desire is to encourage faith and an appreciation of heritage, and there are millions of Christian families involved in the public school system, how does staying away from those individuals help? (If there is a time when we need to “rally the troops,” wouldn’t it make sense to have a relationship with these people?)

    =====

    As the saying goes, “There is more than one way to skin a cat.” I am glad that you have such a love for your children, and feel confident in your approach to parenting. Although I have chosen a different path, I am also invested in my children and feel confident in my approach. I pray that our choices lead our children toward a happy and fulfilling future.

    CC

    p.s. The video links were impressive.

  • Crosslet

    “This is the kind of impact I want my children to have on the world. The bar of expectation I have set is very high. I might not reach it completely but they will reach a much higher ground than any public school or Christian school child.”

    Last reply for the night: (This may get ugly, but it needs to be said.) You might want to think twice about making such comments. Statements like this are both laughable and sad at the same time. First of all, you seem to assume that what you consider to be “higher ground” is THE understanding that everyone in the world should adhere to. That is giving yourself a lot of authority, and seems to represent a level of personal ego that is not biblically based. Secondly, the statement fails to recognize the contributions and accomplishments of previous generations who have been educated in public schools. There is a lot of history before us. Third, millions of potential readers have been educated at public schools and consider themselves to be quite well established. Finally, you state definitively that your children will be above “ANY public school or Christian school child.” While that is a nice notion for a father to have, it is not grounded in fact. You, in spite of your narcicism, have no way of knowing how high the bar has been set in other families, the physical or intellectual capabilities of others, the cognitive limitations of your own children, or when said children might rebel from your instruction. After much reflection, I have concluded that you do not have a firm grasp on reality, or an understanding of scripture. I will pray for your family, but I must encourage readers to be wary of your advice.

    CC

  • http://www.faithandheritage.com Laurel Loflund

    Crosslet,

    I am also a public school teacher, high school level. A Christian teacher may indeed have a missionary role in the school, but the same cannot always be said for Christian children whose parents are not directly involved in the school. I’ve watched many children raised in Christian homes lose their faith in the public school environment because they want to be accepted, or some “friend” seems to have a more “enlightened” attitude about life.

    I posit that it is different for a Christian teacher (who understands and can guard against evil influences) to have children in the public school than it is for the average Joe and Julie Christian who truly do not understand the pressures that exist there. And if their children’s eternal souls are destroyed by the influences they encounter there, what matter if they survive and achieve in everyday life?

    I do not diminish the hard work and efforts of public school teachers in the slightest. They are one of the hardest working groups in our society. Nor do I wish for Christian teachers to abandon the mission field. I simply do not believe, based on years of experience, that most young people are strong enough Christians at early ages to be the salt and light they can become as adults, building on a strong basis instilled at home, both academic and spiritual.

    Blessings,
    Laurel

  • http://faithandheritage.com Nathanael Strickland

    I think that it’s very telling that the designer of the US public education system was a great admirer of the USSR and modeled it off of their education system.

    From: http://www.examiner.com/homeschooling-in-roanoke/top-5-reasons-to-homeschool-for-christian-parents-the-1-reason

    “According to a comprehensive study entitled Home Educated and Now Adults, “94% of homeschoolers keep the faith and 93% continue to attend church after the high school years. But a shocking 75% to 85% of Christian children sent to public school drop out of church, and do not hold a Christian worldview after high school graduation.” The National Home Education Research Institute also found “94% [of homeschoolers] strongly agreed/agree with and practice the faith of their parents”. Likewise, the results of research by Drs. Rhonda Galloway and Joe Sutton, released in 1997, demonstrated the strong faith of homeschool students. Their four-year study compared the success of homeschoolers in college to students in public and Christian schools. Homeschoolers ranked first in 7 out of 11 spiritual indicators, and first in 42 out of 63 total indicators (including Spiritual, Academic, Cognitive, Affective-Social, and Psychomotor). Clearly, homeschoolers demonstrate a high level of spiritual development.”

    So 94% of home schooled children keep their faith, while only 25% to 15% of public schooled children do so. Even if we’re charitable and use the 25% mark, what this in essence means is that any parent who sends their child to a public school has loaded a gun with three live rounds and one dud, put the gun to the head of their child’s soul, and pulled the trigger. I really don’t see anyway to morally justify such a decision.

  • http://www.faithandheritage.com Laurel Loflund

    Thanks for the stats, Nathanael…I’d forgotten where they were located on the web, but would echo their veracity from my personal observations.

    BTW, Dewey was actually an admirer of the Prussian system of education, not the Russian. John Taylor Gatto wrote about the early fascination with the Prussian model:

    “A small number of very passionate American ideological leaders visited Prussia in the first half of the 19th century; fell in love with the order, obedience, and efficiency of its education system; and campaigned relentlessly thereafter to bring the Prussian vision to these shores. Prussia’s ultimate goal was to unify Germany; the Americans’ was to mold hordes of immigrant Catholics to a national consensus based on a northern European cultural model. To do that, children would have to be removed from their parents and from inappropriate cultural influences.”

    I would have to say that the Prussian model only works well with students of European extraction, IMHO.

  • Matthew Cart

    Good information Nathanael and Laurel. I would also add to that, these statistics only show a small percentage of those children who “kept their faith”, whatever that means. Fortunately my goal is not just to make sure my children don’t cast off Christianity completely, but that they pass on a strong, vibrant Christianity from generation to generation. The public school children who “keep their faith” are likely the ones who we see running the compromising, ungodly, wicked Churches we have in America today.

    The same kind of Christians that were in government dictatorship nations in that past, are in America today. And we are reaping the results of these kind of Christians that we’ve had for decades. Which brings me to my point; what are the results of the public school system? Seems to anyone that has eyes to see that things are not getting better in this country, but worse. Only because of the homeschooling movement are we seeing a reversal a little bit. And that is because the child’s education is being put back in the hands of whom it belongs, the parents, instead of a small group of chosen elite who work for the State for wages. There might be a few “good” public school teachers but they have not much more influence than the few “good” cops we have, as we see the results of police lawbreaking and performing criminal acts daily.

    Try teaching in your public schools from a truly Biblical perspective and see how long it takes for you to get ousted. In fact, people have been fired simply for saying that Creation (as opposed to evolution) COULD BE true, or even that THERE MIGHT BE an intelligent designer. How much more quickly would you be ousted for opposing the Communist/Humanist based doctrine of the public schools?

    Sure, I have other people teach my children (and will in the future) in certain skills and things I don’t know myself. But they will be hand selected by me, for the amount of time I desire, under as much supervision as I desire. They are people I fully 100 % trust, not people who are chosen by the State as a full-time occupation for money. Big difference there my friend.

    As far as when the plant is ready (my children), that will be my decision from what I see. My children are exposed to, as any child, to elements little by little based on the discernment of their parents. I don’t just throw them into a hostile environment and say, “fend for yourselves” anymore than I would let them walk down the street by themselves in a violent ghetto area. That is what parents are doing by sending their children off to these ungodly and anti-Christ laden schools.

    As far as your question about interacting with all these people in the public schools: THEY DO IN REAL LIFE. Yes, real life is not sitting at a desk for 6 hours with people all of the same age group. My children and I will be at the Flea Market interacting with people of all ages, selling things, learning skills about running a business. They interact with people of all ages all the time. But the majority of their time and instruction, their interactions, etc will be at home with their parents where they belong; like it used to be in times past. What in the world did folks in the past do? The horror of only being with their family for the bulk of the time! How could they ever turn out well?!

    As far as you feeling that I am arrogant, that is your choice to judge that. Perhaps I am, perhaps I’m not. One thing I do know is that I am CONFIDENT that my children will turn out as I desire because I am CONFIDENT in God’s promises. If I were to send my children away for someone else to disciple them, instead of me like I am commanded to (Deut. 6) then I would hold no such confidence because then my children’s fate would be in the hands of someone else instead of me. No thank you.

    Your children are not just taught subjects like math, history, science etc. from some mysterious objective viewpoint. No, every subject is taught from the person’s viewpoint who is teaching it. And the class materials are designed to teach material from an anti-Christian worldview. (Now if you don’t think it is then you have serious problems).

    Every hour of every day, a child in public schools has an anti-Christian worldview pumped into his mind, reinforced more and more as the years go by. Which is why even the Christians who don’t “lose their faith” still have a worldview that is not in correlation with true Christianity. Which is why our Churches are pretty much pawns of the State in America today. It didn’t happen by chance.

  • http://www.faithandheritage.com Laurel Loflund

    “Try teaching in your public schools from a truly Biblical perspective and see how long it takes for you to get ousted. In fact, people have been fired simply for saying that Creation (as opposed to evolution) COULD BE true, or even that THERE MIGHT BE an intelligent designer. How much more quickly would you be ousted for opposing the Communist/Humanist based doctrine of the public schools?”

    Amen to that, Matthew. I walk that fine line every day.

    Laurel