Deck the halls with vows of folly, fa la la la la, la la la la. 2017 marks Canada’s 150th year in existence as America’s oversized hat and the world’s equivalent of Charlie Brown – a lovable loser always coming out second-best in battles against footballs and kite-eating trees. As it seems increasingly unlikely that Canada will survive to its bicentennial, Ottawa is going all-out to benumb its denizens with patriotic fervor. Regular readers of Faith & Heritage know my feelings toward this country, but for the uninitiated permit me to list ten reasons why I will not be joining in the senior dominion’s orgy of complacency.
1. An All-Media Campaign of White Christian Hostility
The sesquicentennial being the biggest thing to hit Canada since Degrassi Junior High’s initial DVD release, it stands to reason that we are being bombarded with a publicity blitz in equal parts cloyingly sentimental and thoroughly repugnant. One could fill the Louvre with examples of the Bernays-esque advertising onslaught to which we are subject, but let this wretched excess, complete with authoritarian hashtag, stand as representative:
There you have it, folks. Canada is ‘love’ – love in its mutated, deracinated, individually atomized variant, but still, uh, love. Shouldn’t that be ‘lust’ instead? That would also do away with the implicit sacrilege against 1 John 4:8.
Even worse than such one time retina-scorchers is the ongoing ‘150 Stories’ project, funded by something called the Canadian Race Relations Foundation (actually funded by me, in other words, but I’m not supposed to think about that) and consisting of the publication of some alien being’s heartwarming tale of immigration every week for 150 weeks. The thumbnail descriptions used for each posted story tell the tale:
Born in Toronto to first generation immigrant parents (Jamaican and Irish respectively), David Keeshan only ever considered himself 100% Canadian…
Muslims have never been portrayed as dedicated, honest, and caring citizens who like to make a difference in their communities. But Sultan Jessa, a Tanzania-born journalist, has been able to dispel this myth…
On July 10th, 2016, I walked with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau through the former Nazi death camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau where, at age 15, I confronted death for the first but not for the last time…
You get the picture. All these gypsies flock to Canada on account of its infamous ‘tolerance’. Well, they can feel free to tolerate this campaign of spite against the entrenched generational yeomanry in my stead, as they have rainbow-colored glasses to spare.
This also brings me to my second reason:
2. Canada Day Is Exclusively for Non-White Immigrants
This is a point I touched on in part II of my kinist history of Canada, and it is a point that requires emphasis here as well. It matters not how small your village or hamlet is – if they’re putting on Canada Day festivities, and there are recent immigrants within a fifty-mile radius, you can bet they’ll be there in the park, with Maple Leafs painted on their pigmented cheeks and singing along to The Tragically Hip emanating from one of their smartphones. White mothers will also be there, exposing their children to the nice invaders so that they don’t grow up to be racist. One can only offer conjecture as to whether the recently arrived would be out in such force if Canada Day was on December 1st rather than July 1st.
Canada Day also serves as the neo-traditional time for anti-white immigrants to lecture the rest of us about how this country, wonderful as it is, needs to be drastically changed to accommodate the untold millions yet to come. They seem to liken themselves to Marines of the Rainbow Coalition, securing the beachhead so that the Navy can safely move in. Ujjal Dosanjh, an Indian-born Sikh and former socialist premier of British Columbia, has used the sesquicentennial as an opportunity to harangue us rednecks about how much more needs to be done to fulfill our ‘obligations’ towards our indigenous First Nations people (an Indian carping about homegrown Indians – as I also stated in my previous piece, Canada is rich in unintentional ironies), Japanese-Canadian survivors of WWII internment camps, descendants of Jewish refugees turned away from Halifax in 1939, descendants of Tamil Tigers not turned away from Halifax in 2001 but nevertheless ‘persecuted’, etc. Why does he stay here if Canada is little better than the Fourth Reich in his eyes? Human rights lawmongering pays considerably better over here than in the Punjab, that’s why.
3. The Logo
Look at this thing. Just look at it. What is it? A ruffled grouse shooting us the moon? Or Justin Trudeau’s rendition of the aberrant Maple Leaf after he has consumed an especially tasty tab of ecstasy? Either way, it’s a kaleidoscopic op-art eyesore symbolizing the die-versity of Canada – created by a ‘global business and digital arts student’ as part of a contest, yet – and I want no part of it. As this is part and parcel of the half a billion dollars Ottawa alone is spending on this orgy of self-righteousness – never mind the provinces and municipalities on top of that – I’ll be working on July 1st to try to make some kind of a dent in my tax bill.
4. The Terrible Example Wrought by the 1967 Centennial
There is nothing new under the sun, and Canada’s previous foray into secular nationalist elation from half a century ago proves that adroitly. Under the free-spending tutelage of the federal Liberal administration of UN gadfly Lester Pearson, the equivalent of $610 million was doled out for investment in a boondoggle of touristy gimcracks, running the gamut from Ottawa’s National Arts Centre to a UFO landing pad in St. Paul, Alberta. Thus the lesson was re-learned: the same government that forcibly coerced the Maritime provinces into a Confederation they did not desire was also the self-imposed benefactor of goodies all the way down to the grassroots level. Truly, this was indeed a Canadian centennial! The high point of the bacchanal was undoubtedly the garish Expo 67 world fair in Montreal, a monstrosity of humanist futurism whose malevolent character can be summarized in the gathering’s five main themes: Man as Creator, Producer, Explorer, Provider, and Community Cog (the last an unofficial title). This functional atheism would set the stage for much of the horrors that were to follow in Canada’s intervening fifty years, and it’s no wonder the Expo is today considered one of the highlights of the country’s history.
Other delights bestowed upon us in that vainglorious year included the foundation of the now-annual Toronto Caribana festival, ostensibly a ‘gift’ from Haitian and Jamaican immigrants that brought the Caribbean’s cultural enrichments of Baron Samedi worship and machete wars over cocaine distribution rights to Canada’s veranda, an annoying centennial ditty featuring a children’s choir that wouldn’t be out of place in an upbeat East German revue, a logo every bit as ugly as the sesquicentennial one (and with a distinctive Star of Remphan motif to boot), and, perhaps worst of all, the ignominy of Pamela Anderson’s birth in the early morning of July 1st, 1967, making her Canada’s official centennial baby. All these factors (malefactors?) add up to the last death throes of the old Canada, that the new might be birthed to wreak its havoc. Should old acquaintance be forgot, and ne’er brought to mind? The answer was a resounding yes.
5. ‘Free’ Access to All of Canada’s National Parks
As part of a brilliantly-conceived ‘national unity’ campaign, Parks Canada is handing out free discovery passes that allows one unlimited access to any and every national park, good for all of 2017. Outstanding, Private Pyle! I can’t think of a better way to spend a long weekend this summer than jammed in a tent with white speed freak party animals to my left and thrifty Hindustanis who haven’t been out of the city in a decade to my right, and lines to every outhouse a mile long! Whether that experience would be more reminiscent of Woodstock or One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, I’m sure I don’t want to find out. Oh, and don’t worry – this will also ensure that every major arterial road in Canada will be plugged solid all summer with happy campers on their way to the Welfare Woods as well. What ‘fun’!
Equally idiotic was the plan for a Canada 150 Via Rail youth pass, whereby shelling out $150 got you an unlimited train pass good for the summer, allowing grad students at universities all over the country (studying fields inimical to my best interest) to gallivant about sleeping in the ditches in all those free national parks. Fortunately, thanks to trademarked Canadian incompetence, the program sold out too quickly and was temporarily suspended, but was later reinstated. Here’s hoping the program’s web server crashes beyond repair. I don’t need any SJW Woody Guthrie wannabes disembarking anywhere near me.
6. A Gigantic Flippin’ Duck
Precisely what a 150-foot-tall inflatable Quackzilla has to do with Canadian identity is anybody’s bet, but that didn’t stop lesbian premier of Ontario Kathleen Wynne from shelling out $125,000 for this embarrassment to be towed around the Great Lakes aimlessly all summer. Perhaps there is method to Wynne’s madness, and she figures she can recoup some of the costs once the festivities are over by selling it to Miley Cyrus as a prop to be used at her Babylonian concerts. No matter. Such costly infantilism bespeaks nothing but contempt towards me and my own, and I shun the commemoration this was done in the name of.
7. ‘Enhanced Security Precautions’ in the Wake of the London Terrorist Attacks
Canada isn’t just snowflakes and servility, you know. Rest assured, when the likes of Hitler rear their ugly heads, Johnny Canuck will be on hand to showcase a little stiff upper lip! Not much in the way of fisticuffs, mind you, just the lip. Thus, we were all supposed to take solace and comfort in public safety minister Ralph Goodale’s assurances that Canada’s security and intelligence apparatuses would be working in ‘seamless collaboration’ to keep us all snug as a bug in a rug. In practice, what this means is that in the upcoming weeks you won’t be able to drive down a dirt path without running into an RCMP checkstop, and should you try to avoid it CSIS will begin tracking you via your automobile’s OnStar system. Gee, what a nice warm cocoon I live in.
The adulation of cops and troops is endemic throughout the West, but in Canada it takes on the forelock-tugging subservience of long-crushed prison inmates shamelessly currying favor with the warden in a desperate gambit to retain what little privileges they have remaining to them. Thus we are also witnessing a renewed onslaught of public-relations pageantry from our perennial proctors the Mounties, most notably the posing of over a hundred of their number upon British Columbia’s 230-foot-high Capilano suspension bridge. About all that was missing to make the display complete was a show of jovial marching in place while whistling an appropriate tune from Bridge on the River Kwai.
8. Shoddy Merchandising
So what piece of officially branded disposable made-in-Myanmar plastic or nylon do you need to make your celebration of Incarceration Day 150 complete? Shoelaces? Glow sticks? Paper coffee cup sleeves? Foam hands? Hockey pucks? Go to Boutique150 and place your order today! Or maybe you can go to Roots Canada and place an order for a beflagged sweater to place over your hockey jersey featuring your favorite Canuck team that is almost assured never to win a Stanley Cup in your lifetime, or to even stay in the city they’re located in.
My favorite piece of sucker bait, by far, has been the official Canada 150 tulip bulbs. Sold at grossly inflated prices in hardware stores from coast to coast, these seeds were supposed to produce a patriotic flower of white petals interspersed with red. You can well imagine the ire that was generated when a goodly portion, if not most, of these tulips turned out to consist of a mixture of orange and yellow petals instead. One cannot but see the judgment of God in an overhyped plant producing dingy hues instead of the vibrant nationalistic health advertised.
9. Muh Canadian ‘Values’
Being first-class narcissists along with the rest of the West, Canadians assume that the entirety of the country’s 150-year existence, and a goodly number of years prior to 1867, was a mere prelude to the glorious culmination that is The Current Year and all its societal mores. That being the case, t’would have been a far better thing if Canada remained a perpetual uninhabited glacier. I am not about to celebrate an alleged century and a half of unfettered multiculturalism upon reading of a recent beating of a Fredericton wife by her Muslim immigrant husband with a hockey stick, and his subsequent plea that he was unaware that such an action was against Canadian law. I am not about to celebrate an alleged century and a half of trend-setting tolerance against sodomites upon reading of that bunch’s adulation of an eight-year old drag queen from Montreal, fully supported (and promoted) by his abhorrent excuses for parents. I am not about to celebrate an alleged century and a half of being a good ‘global citizen’ when Canada pigheadedly insists on adhering to the Agenda 21 wealth-redistribution scheme known as the Paris Accord in defiance of all economic sense to the contrary, now that Trump is pulling out of it. For far too long, Canadians have rewarded evil for good and good for evil. Should I be expected to be elated that evil cannot therefore depart from this house? Not while I have breath!
Bearing that in mind, we come to the final reason for my intransigence:
10. Canada Is Not My Nation
I am living under the occupation of a congenitally hostile federal octopus who would gladly send in the soldier boys to crush me like a cockroach were it not so desperate to present a ‘nice guy’ exterior to the world community, as though it were a child-molesting scout leader prominent in the Rotary Club. This is no cause for celebration, especially a celebration that presupposes the danse macabre will continue indefinitely into the future. Canadians kiss their shackles to the detriment of the kiss due the Son (Psalm 2:12), and wonder that His wrath is kindled. I leave them to their great credulity.
#YouMightBeCanadianIf is currently a trending hashtag on Twitter. The best tweet by far I ran across under that heading came from Kevin Michael Grace:
— Kevin Michael Grace (@KMGVictoria) June 15, 2017