Virgin Alienist
- says ‘they’ when referring to a person whose gender is unknown
- diligently heeds the counsel of 20th-21st century biblical commentators as nearly infallible
- does community service and watches “Roots” on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
- sports an attention-seeking beard to compensate for lack of testosterone
- opens doors for women only if they indicate their willingness to accept acts of chivalry
- considers having gay, atheist, Jewish, Muslim, and non-white friends an important part of his authentic Christian lifestyle and seeks to learn from them as part of a new postracial America
- accepts women ministering to men in church as Biblical and normal
- excommunicates parents who won’t let their children date or marry outside of their race
Chad Nationalist
- says ‘he’ when referring to a person whose gender is unknown because women are under the covering of men
- diligently heeds the counsel of 1st-19th century biblical commentators as nearly infallible
- works overtime and gives the money to white nationalist organizations on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
- wears a normal, unobnoxious amount of facial hair to match his high testosterone
- refuses to walk through a door if a woman is holding it open for him, tells her to get back in her place
- lets gays, atheists, Jews, Muslims, and non-whites in his presence know their faiths, cultures, and sexual mores are abominable in God’s sight and calls them to repentance and faith in Christ, and urges them to return to their native homelands
- urges women in ministry to use their energies to train children and grandchildren in the faith
- excommunicates parents who will let their children date or marry outside of their race
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